How much?

From first finding out we were adopting to now when people see our adopted son, the first word we usually hear is "expensive." "Isn't adoption expensive?" or "I hear adoption is really expensive." Let me make one thing extraordinarily clear: Adoption may be expensive, but it didn't cost us a thing. You may be thinking that's crazy talk because we spent a lot of money on our adoption journey. What I mean is that we are not worse off, or lacking, or in want, and we will definitely never regret making that decision. Yes, we could have bought a car, started a college fund, or took many a beautiful vacation. But look at these smiles!

This is what God intended, that Elijah be a part of our family. And where there's God's will, there's a way. Yes, we still have post adoption report expenses, NC court (readoption) expenses, and Elijah's second surgery expenses. But there is not a doubt in my mind that we followed our hearts to our second son. If you've ever met adoptive parents before, then you know the parents believe this child was meant to be with their family. Adoptive parents would do it all over again in a heartbeat to bring their child home. 

If you're interested in adoption from China, here is a general breakdown of expenses. But remember that while the paper chase is expensive, your child is priceless. Adding a member to your family is invaluable, no matter how much you spend on the journey (adoption or assisted reproductive technology). Feel free to contact me with questions. If you want to begin this journey, I will support you whole heartedly!

Expenses (approximate) by Category:

Placement agency fees $7350

Home study fees $2500

Dossier preparation $500-1,000

USCIS filing & fingerprinting $890

Orphanage fee $5,500-6,000

CCCWA $1700

Parent's visa $280

International Airfare $1,200-1,900 per adult (child over 2 also requires ticket)

In-China travel, accommodations, food $4,200-4,800

Adoption registration & notarization $400-800

Child's passport, physical, photo, visa $580-650

Court validation fees & Child's state birth certificate - vary by county/state

Post placement report fees $1000

Remember that these fees are spread out over the course of the adoption process. 

Adoption Aid:

Fundraisers, Donations, Employer benefits, Adoption grants, Low/no interest loans

Let me end with a reminder of the joy of Gotcha Day and what this journey is really about: The face/person/soul waiting on the other end!

Pictures!!!

Today we received electronic files from Elijah's orphanage containing medical information and lots of pictures. I, of course, went straight for the pictures to watch the storyline of his life. It was amazing to see the transition from tiny infant to sitting baby to standing toddler. I'll share a few of them with you. Try to hold back the tears... or maybe that was just me.

November 2014 - This picture stood out to me because it was the first one where Elijah was smiling (and the same month we signed our adoption agency contracts!)

December 2014 - Elijah's first Christmas

June 2015 - Elijah's birth month (I may have cried seeing his first birthday cake and the people gathered to celebrate his first year of life)

October 2015 - Match Month! Interesting hairstyle bud...

December 2015 - No pictures of Elijah as he was in Shanghai recovering from surgery, just pictures of the contents of his care package we mailed

January 17, 2016 - Elijah's last day without a family, a farewell party before Gotcha Day

January 21, 2016 - A picture the nurse took of us while visiting the orphanage

We will forever cherish these wonderful pictures. We are thankful that the people who cared for Elijah captured these moments in time!

Surgeon Appointment

Today Elijah met Dr. Sanger, a surgeon with Wake Forest. After several attempts, she was finally able to see inside his mouth. (He has quite a bite!) Dr. Sanger said that his hard palate repair looks good, but that he will still require soft palate repair. (She said that sometimes cleft palate repair is complete in one surgery and sometimes it requires two surgeries, depending on the type and extent of the cleft.) Although this confirmed the doctor's suspicions in China, it was still hard to hear as a mother. It was difficult to know he had endured surgery without us, but now he will have to endure the pain and recovery of a second surgery.

Elijah will need this surgery in the near future so Dr. Sanger is referring him to the cleft team at Brenner Children's Hospital for further evaluation.

(Elijah falling asleep in his chair at lunch.)

Truth is, You know what tomorrow brings 

There’s not a day ahead You have not seen
So, in all things be my life and breath
I want what You want Lord and nothing less

You are my strength and comfort

You are my steady hand
You are my firm foundation; the rock on which I stand

Your ways are always higher

Your plans are always good
There’s not a place where I’ll go, You’ve not already stood

When You don’t move the mountains I’m needing You to move

When You don’t part the waters I wish I could walk through
When You don’t give the answers as I cry out to You
I will trust, I will trust, I will trust in You!

Trust In You, Lauren Daigle

One Month With Elijah

It's hard to believe Elijah was placed in our arms a month ago! What a blessing he has been to our little family. We are so thankful we started the journey to meet him and bring him home. Elijah visited the doctor today for vaccinations and has gained 2 pounds in about 2 weeks. This kiddo loves food! He also enjoys riding in the cozy coupe around the house. Such sweet boys :)

The word orphan still breaks my heart. When I hear it in a song on KLove or Pandora, I think of our journey to Elijah and how he was transformed from orphan to son. My eyes typically swell with tears. I only ever wanted two children. I only have space for two children. We have no more funds for adoption. So what does this mean? Am I meant to be a advocate for orphans? Am I meant to pray for these children, volunteer with orphans,  and help other parents in their adoption journey? Am I to be a good steward of my money and try to adopt again someday? I don't know the answer. I guess I need to spend some time in the Word and in prayer, waiting for God to move or reveal another plan to me. Until then, I'll keep enjoying the blessings I call sons!

*Update: Tonight was the first night Elijah went to bed/sleep without crying! Hallelujah!

Better & Better

Last night Elijah sat with me and Ethan in the rocking chair as I read several books. What a precious time it was! That was the first time Elijah's attention span lasted through the bedtime routine. It is amazing the progress he's made in just a few weeks with attentive, loving parents. Elijah is learning so much in his new environment and we are so blessed to have this little boy in our home. 

Looking back, I do not know why Elijah was in an orphanage for so long, other than waiting on us. Our closest family and friends tell us what a perfect fit he is for our little family, how he absolutely belongs with us, and how similar he is to Ethan. Other parents are amazed how well and how quickly he has taken to us. I know these things to be true. And I know my God orchestrated this entire journey. Did that make it easier to trust things would work out during the hard times? Yes, but that doesn't mean hard times didn't exist all together. There were setbacks, delays, questions, and don't forget the waiting. Oh, how the waiting is hard, especially when you know what is coming will be so wonderful. I hope you accept whatever God is calling you to right now. It may be difficult and there may be hard times, but I guarantee He has a grand plan and you will love the finale. 

Elijah giving Daddy kisses!

Pepper giving Elijah kisses!

Ethan giving Elijah kisses!

Such a smart & happy boy :)

Elijah's First NC Snow

It snowed overnight, so today we enjoyed playing in the fluff. Elijah liked walking around on it and Ethan liked throwing snowballs. Don't worry, I bundled them enough to make a Chinese grandmother proud!

I was previously sad about missing many of Elijah's firsts, like his first smile and first roll. But the fun part about adoption is that we still experience the first of all these things, just with us! Elijah's first smile in China warmed my heart and his first giggle made me incredibly joyful. His first roll was actually about 5 quick rolls in a row. (He laughed at me trying to change his diaper as he rolled toward the edge of the hotel bed.) Elijah's first word (and only one so far) was "hey." I'll never forget where I was standing in the hotel room or the silly grin on his face while he waved. I'll never forget the first kisses he blew to me, that showed what a sweet and smart little boy he is. I'm getting teary just thinking about our bonding time in China and how beautiful those moments truly were.

Anyhow, I look forward to the many more "firsts" to come!

Happy Chinese New Year!

Xīn Nián Kuài Lè!   新年快樂  Happy Chinese New Year!

Thank goodness Elijah has finally figured out day and night! We are still working on going to sleep and staying asleep, but at least there is sleep. I think today is the first day I haven't needed a nap or felt like a zombie since returning home. Elijah, much like Ethan, loves to be outdoors even if it's cold. He is trying new foods everyday, and really likes green beans and sweet potatoes. He has started using sign language for "more." The boy loves food!

While in China, we noticed a song that played on almost every toy. (The toys also played things like "What Does the Fox Say" and Christmas carols.) On the flight home, Phillip asked one of the flight attendants what the song was. He said it is called "Little Apple" and is extremely popular in Asia. When we got home, Phillip found the song on YouTube, along with the choreographed dance. Low and behold, that was the dance we kept seeing in Beijing (before we received our children and bought toys). Apparently everyone breaks out into the same dance when they hear it. There was a group of people dancing one night in the dark outside a church when we passed back by (I thought maybe flash mob). There was also a group of people dancing in a salon one day (I thought maybe we were passing by the Asian filming of Legally Blonde, lol). Anyhow, sometimes Phillip plays the song at home because the boys enjoy it. You should see Ethan and Elijah dance, it's adorable! 

Here is a fitness video version of the song to see some dance moves. 

Little Apple - Fitness Dance Version

Here is a ridiculous but interesting music video of the song to know what it's about (with Chinese and French subtitles). 

Little Apple - Music Video

One Week Home

Well, we've been back to the USA for a week now. It has felt like longer, yet I don't remember most of it. During the day, Elijah is happy and eats everything in site. Jet lag is a terrible thing. Phillip and I were so exhausted after all the traveling we probably could have slept for days. Instead, Elijah was either up until 3am or awake after 3am every night. We were told to expect newborn sleeping behavior, but this was worse. The only way Elijah falls asleep is with a bottle or being held upright while we walk, but that is short lived and we can't put him down or sit down. He is still terrified of cribs, so still sleeping with us. I've never been a fan of cosleeping, mostly due to the risk of SIDS, but also because I like my space. Elijah moves, grunts, squeals, kicks, screams, and snores often in his sleep. The silver lining here is that his nightmares are getting fewer and fewer. However, head colds and stomach bugs have made for a rough week. Thank goodness for the support of family and friends!

After returning from China, another mom shared a link to Show Hope monthly newsletters. I saw Elijah's (aka Houston in the letter) adoption announcement in the January newsletter, along with the mention of his return to the orphanage from surgery. This surprised me since the November newsletter said that he "went to Shanghai for cleft surgery with the Ai You Foundation."  Why was he gone so long? Recovery should have been about a week. Was he left in a crib in a hospital or recovery site all that time? Again, something I'll never know.

A big thank you to the Ai You Foundation for their work with orphans. Their website states that the number of orphans in China increased by 24% from 2005 to 2010 and that more than 80% of these orphans suffer from serious congenital diseases. Ai You is helping orphaned, poor, and disabled children with congenital diseases and leukemia. Thosebabies need all the help they can get!