A Miracle in the Making

Tonight I read an article about a baby buried alive in China. When the baby was born, the parents didn't even want a birth certificate for their child, knowing it would soon be abandoned.

"The boy's family -- including the infant's grandmothers -- allegedly hired a man for $290 to get rid of the baby, according to Xinhua.

That day, the hired man left the newborn to die in a cardboard box in the wilderness. Two days later, believing the baby to be dead, he buried him, according to Xinhua.

Later, a woman who was picking herbs on a hillside heard a wail. With the help of a few villagers, police rescued the baby and sent him to the hospital.

Wu said the baby was in critical condition -- coughing up mud, his whole body covered in scratches and bruises -- when he arrived at the hospital.

The baby weighed 7.8 pounds when he was born. By the time he was rescued, he weighed only 5.9 pounds."

http://www.cnn.com/2015/05/14/asia/china-baby-buried-alive/index.html

This breaks my heart in so many ways. The baby in the picture had a cleft lip. This sweet, innocent baby survived but so many others have not. This could be my baby's beginning. I have always assumed I would be telling my child that he/she was given up for healthcare reasons. But this story reminds me that my child may not have been relinquished in love. That my child may struggle with his/her origins when a story like this is exposed. 
But have no fear baby, your life will get better and better from here. And we will love you forever, regardless of imperfections as we all have them.
Please say a prayer tonight for this little boy.

"No, I will not abandon you as orphans - I will come to you." John 14:18

Changing Labels

Perfectionist. Pragmatist. Pessimist. These words have described me, have labeled me. No matter where our labels come from, we become our labels if we don't change them. Our identity, our personality, and our character can become wrapped up in our labels. I'm not a fan of change. I don't even like updating or upgrading. Change is hard, but so very important. First, we should turn to Jesus for healing and replacing past wounds with truth. We receive a new name, a new identity. Daughter. Heir. Child of the one true King. Then we can grow, change, and develop new personality. Our new character shows love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self control. My new labels should be understanding, compassionate, and positive.

What if your labels were orphaned, abandoned, or deformed? Children are sensitive to words spoken around them. Some kids may claim false labels, leading to negative self fulfilling prophecy. As parents we must help change our children's labels. We must create an environment of grace, mercy, and trust in our home. We must destroy hatred, regret, and unforgiveness. We must display maturity, health, and strength. We must speak truth by openly communicating with our children. We must speak hope by telling our children that God has a plan for their future. We must speak life by praying over our children. And we must speak love to remind our children of their Heavenly Father's unconditional love. 

Inspired by http://subsplash.com/daystargso/v/a734abe

"Speak life to the deadest darkest night

Speak life when the sun won't shine and you don't know why

Look into the eyes of the broken-hearted 

Watch them come alive as soon as you speak hope, speak love, speak life"

TobyMac - Speak Life

A great video to discuss labels, bullying, and the impact of our words with kids.

Completed home study!

So today is another one of those "three steps forward, two steps back" kind of day...

The day started off with realizing two forms were completed incorrectly and may need to be completed and resealed again. Huge bummer. I was really upset a mistake was made and feeling the weight of this enormous task on my shoulders. I am tired of checking something off just to erase the check and almost check it off again then instead throw the pen. I was barely keeping my brain calm when my first patient of the day turned out to be a terrible situation. There is nothing like someone else's problems to put my own problems in perspective. So my brain gave in and I cried for her (and a little for me). I prayed "God, take this complicated process off my mind because I just can't do this alone."

A couple hours later CHS called to tell me that our Home Study (Pre-Placement Assessment) Report was finally complete. Hooray!!! We've been waiting on this report for a long time. When I returned to my first patient, I felt her sorrow. I could sympathize her pain. She reminded me that my joy of being one step closer to adopting, is someone else's sorrow in being one step closer to loss.

I planned to pick up the report during lunch break. On my way to CHS, I made a turn too early and needed GPS to get back on track. I thought I could get there myself but eventually turned to Google to help complete the drive. Wouldn't you know it, I ended up passing by a Post Office, which needed to be my next destination. So while my detour lost time, I had to ask for help and actually ended up right where I needed to be, even better off than before. God showed me He knows exactly where I am and can take me the rest of the way, perhaps on a better path than I had imagined. It's all in His perfect timing.

After I picked up the report, I mailed it with our I800A Application (for Determination of Suitability for Adopting a Child) to USCIS (U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services). One more form completed. 

This song was playing when I got out of the car at work and when I got back in. 

You'd be amazed the places that I'd go to be with you, where you are...

Be still and trust my plan

I'm more than you think I am

(Danny Gokey)

I know He is with me. I need to be still and trust Him, to calm my overactive brain.

Finishing Touches

On April 20, CCAI (our placement agency) issued their notice of approval on our homestudy report. Wahoo! On April 21, the homestudy report was presented to the Children's Home Society of NC Board for final approval. Unfortunately after a week's review, the Board wanted modifications. So now the report will go back to CCAI again and be presented to CHS Board again. Please pray for a completed homestudy report! This process has taken way longer than expected and we are ready to move on.

Spring Shows New Life

Earlier this week I was consumed with heartache. For some reason, I was overcome with great sadness while thinking about our future child. So my mind wandered over various questions. Is my baby being abandoned today? Is my baby in pain or in surgery today? While driving home Friday, I noticed that the rain all week brought out lovely flowers and budding trees. Even amongst a time of gloomy clouds, we are actually in a season of new life. "Weeping may last through the night, but joy comes in the morning." (Psalm 30:5) Hold on little baby, I'm coming as fast as I can. I bring with me your hope of a new life!

Today I am at peace with our decision to adopt and the lifelong journey we've started. Amongst our home study report setbacks and health issues, God has still been faithful. "You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in You, all whose thoughts are fixed on you." (Isaiah 26:3) Our family, friends, and church have shown incredible support for us. We are so grateful to have such amazing relationships surrounding us. We've been blessed recently to meet a few more families that have adopted from China. They patiently answer questions and tell stories, which I love to hear. We've learned about specific online support groups and the Greensboro Chinese School. I know that bringing home a child with a special need, that has spent time in an orphanage or hospital will not be easy. I believe that our family, friends, and church will still be supportive then too. I have faith that my God is the same yesterday, today, and forever. He will continue to provide peace, joy, and love in our home. 

Keep on Truckin'

So we're still fighting the good fight. Last week we made phones calls, returned emails, edited documents, completed forms, mailed papers, and more. Hopefully our final home study report will be completed soon. In the mean time, we've been enjoying this beautiful weather. We are learning to be grateful for and enjoy our current blessings while pressing forward. We have faith in God's perfect timing and know that He is preparing our hearts for all that is to come.

Love like I'm not scared

Give when it's not fair

Live life for another

Take time for a brother

Fight for the weak ones

Speak out for freedom

Find faith in the battle

Stand tall but above it all

Fix my eyes on You

for King & Country - Fix My Eyes (Lyric Video)

Setbacks

Today I received a call from our adoption agency CCAI. Unfortunately, it was not good news.

Our last home study meeting was at the beginning of February. We returned the edited rough draft of our home study report mid February. We didn't hear anything back for awhile so we started authenticating and sealing our other documents (to avoid date expiration). We were anxiously awaiting the home study report to apply for the I800A. Then we still have to authenticate and seal those two documents. In March I started calling our home study agency, CHS, for report updates. After receiving the rough draft from our social worker, CHS had to send it to CCAI for review. After all revisions, the report will then have to be reviewed by the CHS Board at a Tuesday meeting before finalization. 

CCAI called to say that our home study is missing several components. This may mean another meeting, some major revisions, and more supporting documents. Because of the extended time involved and our current life changes, we may have to edit or recreate some paperwork to then put through the expensive sealing process again. 

I was really upset about this setback. We've worked so hard to do everything right, pre-approving our documents with CCAI. But it's so frustrating to check something off the to do list, just to erase the check and start again. I was in a pretty bad mood, feeling so far away from our next child. Then Ethan ran into my arms, smiling and giggling, holding tight around my neck. We are blessed to have a healthy and happy child in our home. I ponder how many other couples are dealing with setbacks today too, without a child in their home. I wonder how many children are dealing with setbacks today too, awaiting a forever family. In the beginning, one post-adoption family warned me that this journey was not for the faint of heart. I thought that would not be a problem for me, a determined and stubborn person. I've wanted and dreamed of this child for so long. Yet today I wanted to give up. 

Remember the child. The child waiting in China for us. After all the paperwork, bureaucracy, and fees there will be another child smiling, giggling, and holding tight around my neck. We cannot forget about our child.