Reconnect

August was a month for reconnecting. I took some time to sort through our relics from China and place them in Elijah's baby box. I included foreign currency, his little teddy bear, his name scroll, brochures from places we traveled, and receipts written in Mandarin. I took apart his puzzle and added it too. Though the most important additions were his belongings from the orphanage, his photo album and Gotcha Day clothing. I hope these items will help him reflect on our journey to him and our travels with him, as well as China's culture and heritage. 

On Saturday, August 20, our friends from Ohio stopped by on their way back from Florida. Paul and Angie were part of our travel group in China. They have 4 biological kids and adopted Josie in January. It was wonderful to see how well Josie has adjusted and to watch all the children play.

(To the kiddos credit, this pic was taken way past bedtime)

On Thursday, August 25, I visited with another mom from our travel group. Jaleen was in NC on a business trip from California. We enjoyed burgers, sodas, and donuts while she updated me on her husband Shane, and son Trevor. Trevor's sweet chubby cheeks can compete with Elijah's!

Elijah really loves music, including listening/watching, playing instruments, and singing (especially with hand gestures). Some of his words and phrases are becoming more recognizable. Fortunately this month we've been able to remove the bibs. (Well remove again, as he did well not drooling after surgery but then started back a few weeks later.) Elijah has become even more affectionate, freely giving us hugs and kisses, especially during the Barney song. He and Ethan have become quite the little fish, enjoying swimming every weekend. I hope they're friendship gets better and stronger with each passing month. 

Summertime

July was a month full of celebration. On July 2, No Hands But Ours published our article about the challenges of adoption. When writing about adoption, the most difficult part is getting across the big point that while the journey is hard, this child of God has immeasurable worth, making adoption worth every minute and dime spent. There are times we struggle with Elijah as he struggles with his own past and issues. But those moments are tiny in comparison to the joy he brings to our lives. On July 18, we celebrated six months of fun filled adventure with Elijah. If you've spent much time with him, you know there isn't a dull moment! This past weekend we celebrated Phillip's birthday with a family pool party and cheesecake. It is amazing how much more Ethan and Elijah enjoy the water each time they play in it. 

Today we took Elijah for his audiology and ENT appointments. He was so cooperative for the Audiologist, that she was able to perform several types of tests. Elijah's ear tubes are in place and functional. He was able to hear all tones within speaking range and at differing volumes. Yay! 

After Elijah's appointments, we stopped at the Dairi-O for hotdogs. As I looked across the table at him, I though about what a blessing Elijah truly is to us. He started singing softly in "Elijah talk" and reached across the table to hold my hand. I nearly lost it in the middle of the restaurant. As I held back tears, I thought about how far he has come in attachment and security, with still a ways to go. Many strangers have said "what a lucky boy!" but we know just how unlucky he was. Born with a medical/surgical need, to a family that couldn't afford healthcare, in a country that shuns anything less than perfect. Abandoned. An orphan waiting. We are the lucky ones, with health insurance, good paying jobs, the support of family and friends, and the perfect match made in Heaven. Elijah may have a brighter future in store for him now, but we are so lucky to watch this sweet and silly boy grow up. 

Happy second birthday Elijah!

Happy second birthday sweet Elijah! This weekend we celebrated Elijah's birthday at Myrtle Beach. We enjoyed sun and sand, waves and shells, family and cupcakes. Saturday morning, we headed straight to the beach to introduce Elijah to the ocean. Playing with both boys was so much fun! Elijah is growing and changing so quickly. We are constantly amazed at his progress. 

The random man we asked to take our picture was named Louie and was from Ohio. We told him it was Elijah's birthday and he said "Today? Me too! June 25 is the best birthday because it's half way to Christmas!" What are the odds that it would be his birthday too? Life is full of little coincidences. Or is it? Maybe it's all a divine plan full of good providence. Maybe Louie needed to meet Elijah that day. After a while, Louie ran into us on the beach again and asked about our plans for celebrating Elijah's birthday. Maybe Louie needed to know his birthday twin was being well cared for. 

While the boys were napping, I read an article a friend sent me titled "I See Love By Choice".The article was posted on NoHandsButOurs.com on Elijah's birthday, but it was really a beautiful present to me. It seemed the author took the words straight from my heart and eloquently expressed my feelings about adoption. I hope you will read the article and feel the love pouring from it. I also hope our blended family is a reminder that love is a choice and one we should all make more often. 

Dog Tired

I've been thinking about this post for a few days, but since I accidentally wore flip flops to work today, I figured I would finish the thought. 

Ever wondered why parents of young children are so tired? If you have young children, then you probably understand it well. If your kids are grown, you might remember those difficult days. Otherwise, you might be as clueless as I once was...

When Ethan was a baby, I would have done anything to help him sleep better. Anytime he slept better than usual, I would immediately question everything. What did I feed him or not feed him? What did he play with before bed? What book did we read? What's the room temperature? Exactly what time did we start bedtime routine and he fell asleep? Socks or no socks? Medicine or no medicine? Ahhhhhh! This lead to madness. We would over analyze everything and eventually come up with the same answer every time. All the sleep he has missed finally caught up with him. Or God knew we just needed a break. Whatever the reason, we were grateful for the rest. It is hard to carry on when you go a very long time between periods of rest. While preparing for adoption, we read to expect newborn like behavior after placement. Well Eli decided being up every single hour was better than every few hours. Nothing could have prepared us for Eli's terrible sleep patterns, even though it seems Ethan tried his best. We thought we knew sleep deprivation, but Eli (and jet lag) took us to a whole new level. 

Things we've done in our zombie like state:

•put refrigerated items in the pantry

•forgot to set a morning alarm (who hasn't really?)
•washed hair or put on deodorant multiple times (who can remember 2 minutes ago?)

•washed laundry without detergent 

•shaved only one leg

•put a child in the bathtub with a diaper still on

•used body splash instead of hair styling spray (it smelled like a perfume store while blow drying my hair)

The list goes on and on. And these are just the things we realize we messed up. (If you can think of more we've done, you can keep them to yourself!) Today on the way to work, Jonny Diaz's song Breathe came on the radio. I was reminded of Eli's recovery after surgery. Every time his oxygen levels would drop, I would silently beg him to breathe as I repositioned his head and the hose. Nothing was more important in that moment than breathing, resting, and healing. As I listened to the song, I decided to have a calm and positive day, especially because any day had to be better than watching Eli struggle. That theory was quickly tested as I stepped out of my car wearing flip flops. I immediately started making calls as I needed closed toe shoes to work in a hospital. All is well that ends well, I guess, as my coworker came to the rescue. (Thank goodness our feet are about the same size!)

My point today is to find rest. Not just physical rest and good sleep, but true rest and healing in the Lord. He will provide strength, calm worries, and heal hearts if we just go to Him. 

"He lets me rest in green meadows; He leads me beside peaceful streams." Psalm 23:2

"Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls." Matthew 11:29

"Breathe, just breathe

Come and rest at my feet

And be, just be

Chaos calls but all you really need

Is to take it in, to fill your lungs 

The peace of God that overcomes

Just breathe

So let your weary spirit rest

Lay down what's good and find what's best

Just breathe"

Breathe, Jonny Diaz

Cry Out

It's okay to cry. It's okay to cry when we receive bad new. It's okay to cry when something is burdening our heart. Sometimes we feel like a failure when we cry, like we've lost hope or lost faith. Babies and children cry because they have a need. They cry because we haven't satisfied this need and they want to make sure this need is noticed. Let's rewind to Gotcha Day. Many children cried because they were scared or they missed their previous caretaker. Even after the children accepted their new parents, they cried because they were hungry, tired, or needed changing. Each of these needs are important and recur time and time again. Does it make a child unreasonable to cry? Does it mean they don't believe their needs will be met? Or are these children just showing emotion and asking for attention? Yes, we tried to meet all of Elijah's needs right away but sometimes it took time to know what he needed. It was helpful when he learned sign language and could clearly express what he wanted.  Sometimes it was easy to meet the need and sometimes, as parents, we knew better than to give him what he wanted. 

As children of God, we are children at heart. We have wants and needs. Sometimes we cry because we need to let our emotions out. Sometimes we cry because this world is broken and we need to grieve loss and suffering. I beg you to cry out to Jesus and express what you need. I believe God hears our heartfelt and fervent prayers. I believe God loves when we pour out our hearts and open up our minds to him. Use the language of worship and prayer to thank Him and ask Him for help. He will lift you up, He will restore you, and He will bring you closer. I've never cried out or prayed harder than when my Mom was undergoing tests and surgery. I told God just how much we still needed her, how I didn't want her to suffer through treatment, and how it wasn't time for her to leave yet. Sometimes when something is really important to us, we cry. Not because we've lost hope or faith but because we want to express just how important this need is to us. God hears us. And while you may be asking what if he says no, I'll reply with but what if he says yes. We always have to remember that He knows best. He created us, has a good plan for us, and will one day call us all to join Him. In the meantime, cry out to your Heavenly Father and know that it's okay. 

There is hope for the helpless

Rest for the weary
Love for the broken heart
There is grace and forgiveness
Mercy and healing
He'll meet you wherever you are
Cry out to Jesus, Cry out to Jesus

Cry Out to Jesus, Third Day
The red lantern in the video reminds me of China :)

On Monday we met with our social worker to start our first post adoption report. I can't believe it's been almost six months since Gotcha Day! Today marks 4 weeks since Elijah's surgery. Thankfully only two more weeks of soft food. Elijah will definitely be happy to expand his food options again!

This is the one we chose for Elijah's baby box. It will contain items related to his adoption, his childhood, and our trip to China for him to treasure forever. So many things to include already!

Celebration & Reflection

Last week we celebrated our 10th wedding anniversary and Mother's Day. Sometimes it takes a milestone or holiday to reflect on who we are and how far we've come. I've now been married for a decade, which is almost a third of my life. It's hard to believe all the storms we've weathered and the celebrations we've enjoyed. As I think about my husband's best qualities, like patient, loyal, and loving, I am reminded of Jesus' love for his bride, the church. Spouses serve as a reminder of God's affection and companionship. Vows are a reminder of our faithful devotion and God's beautiful promises. Marriage is a reminder to have a humble heart and serving attitude. Of course our marriage isn't perfect, but I am grateful for the life we've built and the continual progress we make. May I be blessed to say in another decade that I've been married for almost half of my life! I see all around me just how important marriage is for families and generations to come. Three of our four parents have been diagnosed with cancer in the last six months. I've witnessed such amazing support in their relationships and I hope we always model that for our children. Our parents have been good examples for us to learn from and model our marriage after. Showing God's love through our relationships is the meaning of life!

This year I was honored to celebrate Mother's Day with two sweet sons. As I think about the journeys that led me to both of them, it wasn't easy but it was well worth it. Having two toddlers now means very little sleep and lots of mess. Sometimes I feel like I am consumed with cleaning up and trying to sleep. When will it end? All too soon I suppose. Soon my boys won't need me as much and I will miss their attention. Being a mother of young children is wholly different than any other stage in life. But we should still find ways to serve God in the minutiae of the daily grind. In the meantime, my daily devotion usually involves reading my Bible at work, listening to KLove in the car, falling asleep praying, singing endless children's songs, and caring for two of God's precious children. Motherhood is definitely the most frustrating, rewarding, challenging, exciting, intimidating, and incredible job on this earth. Nothing is more adorable than their faces or sweeter than their kisses. We are all blessed that God chose our Mothers and children just for us!

Your love is devoted like a ring of solid gold

Like a vow that is tested like a covenant of old

Your love is enduring through the winter rain

And beyond the horizon with mercy for today

Faithful You have been and faithful you will be

You pledge yourself to me and it's why I sing

Your praise will ever be on my lips, ever be on my lips

You Father the orphan

Your kindness makes us whole

And you shoulder our weakness

And your strength becomes our own

Now you're making me like you

Clothing me in white

Bringing beauty from ashes

For You will have Your bride

Free of all her guilt and rid of all her shame

And known by her true name and it's why I sing

Your praise will ever be on my lips, ever be on my lips

You will be praised You will be praised

With angels and saints we sing worthy are You Lord

And it's why I sing

Your praise will ever be on my lips, ever be on my lips

Ever Be, Bethel Music

Recovery

Elijah is recovering well from surgery. We can tell he is hearing better, as he is startled by dogs barking and searches the sky for airplanes. His speech is developing, but we still have a long way to go in that department. Elijah has returned to daycare and is happy to see his teachers and fellow students. He is still on oral antibiotics and ear drops but requiring very little pain medicine. Elijah has a follow up appointment with the surgeon on Tuesday. Hopefully everything is healing well!

Hospital Stay

Elijah's oxygen levels were low overnight so he restarted oxygen and had a breathing treatment. Today he has done well on pain meds and tolerated baby food. Elijah has been more himself by smiling, waving, blowing kisses, and playing with toys. 

This evening Ethan visited Elijah in the hospital. The nurse kindly disconnected Elijah's IV for a while so the boys could run around the room. Elijah was obviously stir crazy and had energy to burn! Ethan chased Elijah, tickled him, and gave him kisses. Surprisingly, Elijah was not drooling while running around, even though it's typically worse when he's active. The speech therapist thought it may be more of an open mouth (awareness) problem than a cleft problem, but I'm hoping the palate lengthening will help control the drooling now.

The most exciting part of Elijah's recovery has been better hearing and the beginning of recognizable speech. Last night the respiratory therapist tried turning the oxygen up to 10L but it was too loud for Elijah. He has been very attentive to our voices and words. His babble is starting to sound more like syllables. Tonight he attempted to say Ali (which was pretty much Aaah) but he was able to say Mama! The funny part is that I've been working with him to say MaMa by touching his chest and saying Eli, then touching my chest and saying MaMa. So now when he says Mama, he touches his chest. Oh these little copycats!

Here's to hoping for a much better night and discharge in the morning. We really appreciate all of the prayers for healing!

(Couldn't get the camera to focus before they took off again!)

Surgery

Today Elijah had surgery at Brenners Children's Hospital. His palate was lengthened and tubes were put in his ears. It has been a really long day. We arrived around 7am, surgery started around 8:15am, he moved to recovery around 11:15am, and finally moved to a room around 12:15pm. Elijah has been agitated most of the day, especially when pain meds wear off. His biggest health concern has been oxygen levels. We finally removed oxygen after 8pm. He has run a slight fever but is starting antibiotics anyway. We really appreciate everyone's prayers for smooth surgery and quick recovery!

Officially Official!

Yesterday we received in the mail Elijah's Certificate of Citizenship. He is officially official! Elijah became a citizen on January 30 but his Certificate wasn't issued until April 6. Much like the rest of our adoption journey, the paperwork takes forever!

It's amazing how much we love this little guy. We can look back at pictures from Gotcha Day and see Elijah's wide-eyed shock. But we can also see his adorable smile as he quickly warmed up to us. Many people question whether they could love someone else's child as their own. That's crazy talk because adoptive parents (and step parents) do it everyday. It's not growing a baby in your belly that makes you love your baby, but the time spent dreaming of, thinking about, and preparing for him. Then you love the child so much before you even meet him for the first time!

The one hard lesson we learned on this journey, which we knew about but still weren't really prepared for, is how hard it is to love someone who doesn't return that love. We loved Elijah before we were matched with him and even more once we finally saw his sweet face. We knew it can be hard for orphans to attach and show affection to new parents. And quite frankly we had it way easier than most adoptive parents (thanks for all the prayers!). But those few times we wanted to hold, help, calm, or support Elijah and he wouldn't let us, were really difficult. Our human hearts are so fickle that is hard to maintain tremendous love when we don't receive it back. We are definitely happy that Elijah is very attached now. 

Thinking about this makes me incredibly grateful for a loving God that pursues me no matter how I behave in return. Even if I run, hide, hate, or even become apathetic, my God continues to love me. He wants nothing more than to hold, help, calm, and support me, if I will just let Him.

Whatever you need this evening, turn to your Heavenly Father and allow Him to bless you. Allow Him to envelope you in His arms, smother you with His love, and demonstrate mercy beyond measure. 

"If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!"

Matthew 7:11

"Taste and see that the LORD is good; blessed is the one who takes refuge in him."

Psalm 34:8

"How great is the goodness you have stored up for those who fear you. You lavish it on those who come to you for protection, blessing them before the watching world."

Psalm 31:19

We're All Adopted

People still ask us if we can have biological children, why did we adopt. It's not about DNA people, it's about love! Adoption was never a fallback option for us but rather a first choice. There are many ways to make a family and it doesn't really matter how you add the child to your family, as long as the child has a family! If you grew up with a loving father in your household then you can probably grasp the concept of how important it is to have a father in your life. A father that will love you, care for you, help you, and be there for you in times of joy and times of hardship. If you're a Christian then you understand this on a much deeper level. We have experienced God's grace, mercy, compassion, and we have hope because of Him. We were rescued by our Heavenly Father, brought into a family, and had crowns placed upon our heads. We are held in our Father's arms, so we no longer fear death or anything else on this planet. What we do for orphaned/adopted children may seem like a lot on this earth but it's nothing compared to what's already been done for us. We provide earthly parents for a child who needs to be loved and cared for, but what they truly need is a Savior. What better way to show a child the love of Jesus than to love and care for that child everyday? Teach your sons and daughters that, they too, are a precious child of the one true King!

"For you are all children of God through faith in Christ Jesus."

Galatians 3:26

"I'm no longer a slave to fear

I am a child of God

I am surrounded

By the arms of the father

I am surrounded

By songs of deliverance

We've been liberated

From our bondage

We're the sons and the daughters

Let us sing our freedom"

No Longer Slaves, Bethel Music

Eli pushing Ethan in the Cozy Coupe. 

The boys holding hands in the back seat. 

Happy Easter!

This weekend we are celebrating Easter, representing the death and resurrection of our Savior, Jesus Christ. We are spending time with family and enjoying Easter egg hunts. Elijah picks up eggs as quickly as possible while Ethan takes his sweet time. The boys are similar in many ways, yet still fairly different. We love their unique smiles and personalities. 

Pictures from our family photo shoot :)

Elijah's Doctor Appointments

Today Eli had appointments with a speech pathologist, surgeon, and ENT. The speech pathologist observed his sounds, evaluated his mouth, and gave us suggestions to help develop his speech. She said his drooling may not just be about his new anatomy, but also awareness of his open lips. We're going to work on that... The surgeon was able to get a good look at Elijah's palate. She said it appears the hard and soft palate were repaired but that the soft palate is still not completely closed. She said there may not have been enough tissue or a few stitches didn't hold. This small hole may make speech difficult for Elijah, as well as allowing food/drink up his nose, so repairing it is beneficial. The PA at the ENT office evaluated Elijah's ears and mouth. She cleaned out his ears and after looking inside, wanted him to have tympanometry. The audiologist used a machine to measure the movement of Elijah's ear drums, which was minimal. His tympanogram was a flat line, indicating he probably has fluid behind the eardrum and needs tubes. The fluid can cause ear infections and muffle his hearing, making speech difficult. So the PA introduced us to the ENT who will clean out Elijah's ears during surgery and place tubes if necessary. These procedures are currently scheduled for April 20.  

Brotherly Love

Last night both boys slept in their room all night for the first time! And Eli only woke up once! This may not seem like a big deal but it is huge to us. Thank God for some decent sleep!

Eli and Ethan are really enjoying each others company. It is so sweet to see them play together. I hope they love being brothers. We look forward to watching them grow closer and closer. 

Quick update

Quick update:

Today the founder of CCAI, Joshua Zhong, called to check on Elijah and our family. Have I said how much I love CCAI?! We absolutely could not be happier with our placement agency and all the amazing help they provided during our adoption journey. 

Elijah meets with the cleft team at Brenner Children's Hospital on March 15. 

Tonight we moved Elijah's bed into Ethan's room. Here's to hoping this works out and they both sleep!

How much?

From first finding out we were adopting to now when people see our adopted son, the first word we usually hear is "expensive." "Isn't adoption expensive?" or "I hear adoption is really expensive." Let me make one thing extraordinarily clear: Adoption may be expensive, but it didn't cost us a thing. You may be thinking that's crazy talk because we spent a lot of money on our adoption journey. What I mean is that we are not worse off, or lacking, or in want, and we will definitely never regret making that decision. Yes, we could have bought a car, started a college fund, or took many a beautiful vacation. But look at these smiles!

This is what God intended, that Elijah be a part of our family. And where there's God's will, there's a way. Yes, we still have post adoption report expenses, NC court (readoption) expenses, and Elijah's second surgery expenses. But there is not a doubt in my mind that we followed our hearts to our second son. If you've ever met adoptive parents before, then you know the parents believe this child was meant to be with their family. Adoptive parents would do it all over again in a heartbeat to bring their child home. 

If you're interested in adoption from China, here is a general breakdown of expenses. But remember that while the paper chase is expensive, your child is priceless. Adding a member to your family is invaluable, no matter how much you spend on the journey (adoption or assisted reproductive technology). Feel free to contact me with questions. If you want to begin this journey, I will support you whole heartedly!

Expenses (approximate) by Category:

Placement agency fees $7350

Home study fees $2500

Dossier preparation $500-1,000

USCIS filing & fingerprinting $890

Orphanage fee $5,500-6,000

CCCWA $1700

Parent's visa $280

International Airfare $1,200-1,900 per adult (child over 2 also requires ticket)

In-China travel, accommodations, food $4,200-4,800

Adoption registration & notarization $400-800

Child's passport, physical, photo, visa $580-650

Court validation fees & Child's state birth certificate - vary by county/state

Post placement report fees $1000

Remember that these fees are spread out over the course of the adoption process. 

Adoption Aid:

Fundraisers, Donations, Employer benefits, Adoption grants, Low/no interest loans

Let me end with a reminder of the joy of Gotcha Day and what this journey is really about: The face/person/soul waiting on the other end!

Pictures!!!

Today we received electronic files from Elijah's orphanage containing medical information and lots of pictures. I, of course, went straight for the pictures to watch the storyline of his life. It was amazing to see the transition from tiny infant to sitting baby to standing toddler. I'll share a few of them with you. Try to hold back the tears... or maybe that was just me.

November 2014 - This picture stood out to me because it was the first one where Elijah was smiling (and the same month we signed our adoption agency contracts!)

December 2014 - Elijah's first Christmas

June 2015 - Elijah's birth month (I may have cried seeing his first birthday cake and the people gathered to celebrate his first year of life)

October 2015 - Match Month! Interesting hairstyle bud...

December 2015 - No pictures of Elijah as he was in Shanghai recovering from surgery, just pictures of the contents of his care package we mailed

January 17, 2016 - Elijah's last day without a family, a farewell party before Gotcha Day

January 21, 2016 - A picture the nurse took of us while visiting the orphanage

We will forever cherish these wonderful pictures. We are thankful that the people who cared for Elijah captured these moments in time!